ah nick caved and he text messaged me. for someone who said they were going to leave me alone he didn't. He said I dont tell details. Like why im taking this semester off, why I don't want him to know about certain things, yet I tell him about the person I brought home on my birthday. Cause I don't mind people knowing that I have sex. OOO he probably wants me to tell him that my dad is an alcoholic bastard who doesn't care about his children, or that my dad kicked me out of his house when i was 18, he told me that I was useless left me with no money and wanted me to get back to north dakota on my own, or that we were poor for most of our life, or that my mom went with out for so many years because she wanted to give me and my sister everything, or that I have trust issues with guys because the only two guys I have ever loved in my life have cheated me somehow. Dustin cheated on me, and my dad just cheated me out of his life.. Riiight, like I'm going to tell someone who could have anything he wanted in life, because his dad is a doctor. No I'm not feeling sorry for myself, because you know what. I love my life right now. My mother is the best, she has come a very long way, We all have and I am proud of her.

He couldn't handle it if I did. Why should I have to tell him about my life? I don't wanna date this guy. So therefore I don't think he needs to know everything there is about me. I like a little mystery and I prefer to keep my past life a little secret.

I always have the feeling of tears, and the feeling in the my throat when I talk about my dad, I mean I hate him sooooooo much for just leaving us, yet I love him with all of my heart. I would trade everything I own to just tell him that. Tell him exactly what I am thinking. Tell him I'm angry with him for not calling, tell him im angry with him for only talking to me once in two years, tell him that no matter what he does I will love him. Life is just to fucking short for me to me not to forgive him. Yet I'm so sick of trying to please him. I'm not perfect, infact I'm pretty damn sure I never will be, I just want to hear him say Heather no matter what you do, or what happens I love you...

With Uncle Rodneys death and uncle dougs. Who knows what could happen tomorrow.

I'm a little depressed now, I need to go lay down. I'm tired its also really late....

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