March 10, 2004 - 1:56 p.m.

I'm bored.

I am so weird sometimes. I had a guy at my party on Saturday, who asked about me the week before and I go and invite Jason... I could of had any of the guys there,well besides the taken ones and Tyler. No, I'm not being cocky, I'm being real :) Oh well. Some people think I still have feelings for Jason, well I honestly don't, the only feelings I have for him are sexual. I would never date him again. If I wanted to hang out with, I'm sure we could, because he asked me a couple of times if we could ever hang out.. Yeah. I don't think so. You know what right now, the ONLY guy I want in a relationship is Dustin. Otherwise I don't want a relationship. I think about Dustin, every single day... There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about. I was checking my voicemail the other day and there was a voicemail from him from Feb 18th, it said for me to call him, of course I haven't/won't but he is going to be in Fargo May 10-20th. I'm thinking I should leave that week,or not leave my house. I would freak out if I ran into him. Do you know what it feels like to break up the one guy you love, the one you trust with everything and to realize that he doesn't want you back. I don't know. I just have a hard time realizing that Dustin has moved on, I am terrified of him finding a new person,knowing I won't be the person he spends the rest of his life with, and he is making some other girl really happy.

My mom and my dad were married for 13 years, well if my mom were to die before my dad, then he gets her social security checks. HOW FUCKING FAIR? My dad DIDN'T pay for anything for us, including my mother, he was an alcoholic, drug freak and those are the only things he cared about, but since they were married for 10+ years, he gets her check...

I'm sitting at my moms house right now sitting with my puppy, so he wouldn't be home all day by himself. My puppy is the cutuest thing you will ever meet, he really isn't a puppy anymore, he is almost three.

I'm just blabbing so I'm gonna go.



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