I swear I dont know what I am going to do with myself. Dustin was being an ass last night. I dont get him! I'm sure he is probably thinking the exact same thing about me... I dont know its hard to explain... The other night I made him mad.. Because I said something, which was mean, but I didnt mean for it to sound mean.. What I meant was I didn't have an extra 700 dollars so I could fly there this weekend. Oh well. Its confusing.. He is pissed at me. He hasn't called me ALL day today. I want to call him, I really do, but last night he pissed me off so I'm like you know what dusitn fuck you! He never called me back after that, I dont know what to do. I just dont know what to do anymore..

Beings that I did that, I had jason come over *sigh* I feel bad about that, and actually for once, I think it might have been good, because he was about me last night. I LOVED IT! He gave me these sweet compliments and we didnt even make out the whole time either we watched a movie, I do want to be with dusitn, I am trying so hard, maybe a little too hard, but you dont understand how bad I want this to work for us! It his is birthday in an hour, do I call him or don't I? I suppose I wont. I probably fucked up one of the best things in my life. I bought him a card today so I am going to mail that on monday, so will see how that goes. I really want to see him. Last night even why Jason was here, I fricken called him dustin THREE times, if NOT more, I felt bad. I just kept calling him dustin. I can't just do this, I mean if we wanted this relationship to work, it takes two people, I know it does.. So why do we continually do things to piss each other off?

Last night, Me,Mike and Brady went out to the bar it was fun. I didnt get drunk we went to geckos then we went to Bucks. THANK GOD, I didnt see Lion Boy there :

I went to the circus today, it was good. I always have fun at the circus.

I suppose I'm gonna go.. I feel a little depressed. Plus we have to set the clocks ahead and I have to work in the morning

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