June 26, 2004 - 4:37 p.m.

Lot on my mind

I had the scariest dream last night, I think julia would know what its about. I am faced with THE BIGGEST DECISION of my life, I asked Dustin what he would think of me living there until he was able to come to ND, He told me that its a good idea, but the problem is he is leaving again in May to go to god knows wherever for the Air Force. So do I want to live in Boise for 6 months so I can see him, be him with, and see where our relationship takes us, or should I just stay in Fargo and hope everything works out for the best. I'm tired of hiding all of this from this diary, I'm tired of pretending... I want things to work out between us, why you ask? Because he is the only guy I have had in a relationship who got to know the "real me" the one I let in.. I told him EVERYTHING. I dont think I can find that in anyone else..

The other burning question on my mind is Would he do this for me? I honestly cant answer that question. I called my friend Josh for advice because he moved to fargo for Tami, I thought he would give me some helpful advice,but he said if you dont fully trust him, dont move there. I learned from my mistake... So he told me not to move. I asked my mom for some advice also, because who knows best? A Mother. Well she told me I have to do whats going to make me happy. Is dustin going to make me happy? I dont know. I want to believe he is going to try his best to make me happy.

I want to give a BIG THANK YOU to Julia because if I do decide to move there she is going to move with me. We are going to have a "learning" experience in Boise, Idaho. I mean she would quit her job for me and move with me, just so I can work things out with Dustin... I dont know. Its a lot to think about. I have to work at the store tonight, so I am going to get going...

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