February 15, 2005 - 7:34 p.m.

I'm tired and I still need to study

So valentines was great. Tyler was my valentines. I cant believe that I gave up the friendship we had for some guy To think, I thought Dustin would be there nore than Tyler has been. I'm sorry tyler for what happened, but I am so glad that we hang out, I really missed you.. To think my old friend did this to me, all for some girl Thats sad. Anyways thats not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is to tell everyone, that it felt great celebrating valentines day, for a few years, I was always Anti-Valentines, but our night last night was cute. We went out with Tab and Brady. We went out to eat at dolittles. It was a very nice and fancy.. I liked it.. I got everyone a flower and tyler got me flowers too.. it was cute :)

Tyler and I also went to Hitched.. That movie is adorable. That is definately a buyer.

So last night J, texted me and said Happy Valentines Day. Yeah. I said Happy Valentines day to him too, but then hes all like I miss you.. BLAH on that shit, hes like i'm sorry I miss us.. I really can't believe I have to deal with this, ALL OVER AGAIN. I mean I was doing so well w/o him and now this. It turns out hes going to be MORE THAN LIKELY on my flight to cancun. So if "the higher power" out there really is working in my favor, I will only see him to and from cancun. He also wants to hook up in cancun.. Hes like It'll be romantic.. What the fuck? Us having sex would be romantic.. Romantic sex is having sex with someone you love/care about.. What we would have is casual sex. No I'm not having casual sex with him while im in cancun. J told me he loves my randomness, he loves my personaitly and he loves my sex.. Yeah. Hmmm Okay. That makes me feel uncomfortable.. What he likes about me is the fact that I comfortable to him, I dont judge him etc ya know? We've been through a lot together in the 4 years I have known him. Its amazing. Wanna know a little secret? Jason and I have only dated for like a month TOTAL if that. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Most of the people I "date" for a month I dont ever run into him, now with him its like I can't get rid of him.. Please tell me its not a sign.. I mean if we SHOULD have been together we would have been together by now correct? I just don't want to go through this for the next four years again. I dont plan on going into all of this again. I honestly dont. I wont talk to him after February, because I wont have my same phone number.. So yeah.

Thats all I'm writing about for now, because I have to take a bath and study for my test.. Im so tired.



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