Love is real and its real becasue you invest your whole heart and soul into the other person and you make compromises and sacrifices for each other and do anything you can to make the relationship work I can not take credit for that beautiful saying but one of my close online friends no-yes-maybe said that quote and how true is that. I feel like I have given up on Dustin and I. All because of the fact that I WAS SCARED! There I go again, being selfish, I am good at that. I dont want to be good at that in a relationship. I just know that if you want something bad enough you have to work and fight to keep it is another quote she said in her entry. Did I really give up on my soul mate? Are we going to get a second chance at love? I guess, I don't know the answer to that question, because I was stubborn on not calling him back, I honestly didn't know what to say to him, so at the time it just seemed easier not to call.. I don't know. Reading her entry got me to thinking so I just had to share with teh world.

So I worked at the hospital today, I had to work in the ICU, Oh my-lets just say I do not want to work there for a while. It takes a certain person to work in that area, and I do not think I am really cut out for that area. Plus we have a Infant ICU-I NEVER WANT TO WORK THERE! Just seeing these people lying on their beds, with tubes in their mouth, I can hear their very faint heart beat. I do not want to deal with that quite yet, I am not ready. Death still scares the shit out of me, and I dont want to deal with it.

I bought some mace today, because we had another attack in town, three guys raped this girl.. It burns your eyes and keeps you unconscience for about an hour and leaves a semi-permanent dye on your face that you cant wash off very easily, makes you easier to catch. So I am keeping that with me at all times! Infact I have it sitting right here by the counter with me at work, speaking of work. I cant bring myself to quit the PORN, I don't know why, I mean I love the money and I just dont know how to do it, so I guess I am going to fit both jobs into my scheldue, I guess I don't need a social life, I have no boyfriend to spend time with, I have a few friends that I actually spend time with, the rest we just call each other talk for a bit and say "Hey we need to get together some time soon" and we both know that its not going to happen, so I dont even bother to say anything anymore. I just go with the flow.

I hope my mom is doing better than what she was doing. Her and Mike (her boyfriend) broke up and she wasn't doing the best lately, and I think she was a little happier today, I think-I do not know that kind of stuff, but she had a smile on her face, I wrote her an email telling her that I loved her and I hoped everything works out for the best, because she deserves nothing but that. My mother is a very strong willed pesron, very caring and she has had a rough few years and if she can survive the divorce with my dad, the death of her only two brothers she can get through anything. She is strong.

I suppose I better wrap this entry up I'm at work, BORED AS USUAL!

OOOOO wait I have to tell you about my date tomorrow night with the bartender from Islands. Well, I suppose I'll just leave it at that.. But Ya I have a date, and I haven't had an ACTUAL date for a LONG LONG LONG time, probably since Dustin and I. I'm looking forward to it actually.

Mine and Shawns Funny Conversation!

Heather says: I wish I made a lot of money in the summer

Shawn says: wuss

Heather says: so I didnt have to work

Heather says: and just sit home

Heather says: i need a sugar daddy

Shawn says: that would get boring

Heather says: shawn you wanan apply?

Heather says: lol

Shawn says: hum ?

Shawn says: can i really

Heather says: lol

Shawn says: does it cost alot

Heather says: lots!

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