January 30, 2004 - 1:29 a.m.

Crazy In Love

So I suppose everyone is realy waiting for this entry huh? Okay, probably not but let me believe you are..

I danced the other night and it was FUN. I made pretty decent money, but its all gone already because of my shitty car.. Well, I had a low tire so I took it into daves I29 Amoco (SHITTY PLACE) well on tuesday night I went to buffalo wild wings and well on the way home my tire went flat the same day I went in to get it repaired. Well I had to leave it parked over night @ the fargo air musuem. So of course it sat out overnight, well the assholes changed my spark plugs with out asking me... So I had to pay for that, and well they still didn't fix my tire right so I had to go in three days in a row to get that damn tire fixed, I was praying to god this wasn't a boiling points on MTV, because I knew I was going to lose. I was fucking pissed. I think I could have changed the tire myself if it wouldn't have -50 below.

Anyways back to dancing, when I talk about my car it pisses me off. So I had a lot of fun, I even got one of my best friends to get up and dance with me on stage... Thank you Krissy. I love you very much. Thank you Tami and Ben for cheering me on.. I had a blast... It meant a lot for you guys to be there.. :) I really needed the confidence boost, and I loved having you three there.. So ya as soon as I walked in people knew right away, if I do say so myself I was looking good that night.. I have pictures so ya anyways the night manager at the bar wanted to book me for a week, but that means I would have to dance a week straight. I don't know if I have time for that right now.. I told her I would be interested in doing this part time, but if I did it full time I would make more money in one week then I do two weeks at my current job right now. So I don't know. Its a tough decision. I just want to do it on a few nights.. screams Anways. Will see how that goes. Also this guy gave me a twenty dollar tip WITH MY CLOTHES on and told me that I was very beautiful and that I was the best dancer there blushes! Hey I'm a Leo I ate that all up.. So after I got done dancing the manager told me to go talk with the crowd. I got even more tips with my clothes on... I knew a few other people there which was always good. Thank You Todd for taking time out of your busy night even though you had to be at work the next morning to come watch me get naked,even though you have already seen me naked.. :) All in All I had a blast.

I haven't done a whole lot of anything besdies that. It has been freakin cold and I haven't wanted to leave the house. Even though tonight while waiting for my freakin tire to get fixed again. I got to talk to Krissy a little bit and she is having a party tomorrow night. So that should be fun. I love Parties. I haven't been to one in FOREVER!!

Dustin has called me Tuesday,Wednesday and Thursday. I haven't really been by my phone so I haven't got a chance to answer my phone. Maybe I don't want to answer it. I'm scared to hear his answers. Sometimes I amaze myself on these types of things. I have "hung out" with guys since we broke up but somehow I find myself looking back at us, wishing I wasn't such a drama queen and not get so jealous of everything. I know I can't go back to the past, but do I want to have a future with him? If he wants a future with me. I can't honestly answer that question right now. Because part of me loves him unconditionally, do I want him back because I love him with all of my heart? Or do I want him back because he is familiar? I don't know. I know I am scared to get into any different relationships because of what might happen. I'm afraid I won't love him anymore. If that makes sense.. I thought the whole closure thing we had when he was here was good enough for me, but its not.. His voice mails are so cute though, like they actually sound like he wants me to call him. Yet I don't want to know what he has to say on the other end. Rejection is not one of my strong points. I do not take that very well.

I suppose I have to get up early so I better get some sleep.. Also if you want to see other pictures you can go here. Feel free to sign the guestbook and tell me what you think of all the pictures..



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